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Parenting

"What about the Children?!" - The ethics and outcomes of surrogacy

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A recent post by prominent birth-related Instagram account @trusting_birth suggested, as many others have done previously, that surrogacy is unethical. This was the case, in their opinion, regardless of whether the surrogate carried the pregnancy through commercial or altruistic avenues.  As commercial surrogacy is illegal in Australia, this article will address altruistic surrogacy, whereby the surrogate[1] does not receive payment for their role in carrying or birthing the baby. 

The original…

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An angry mother is an underresourced mother

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Thursday night was one of the most relaxed nights I can remember with my kids. I played and bathed with them without having to feign interest. There was no arguing or gritting my teeth despite my unfairly low-sleep-needs firstborn not being interested in sleep until well after 9pm. I was solo parenting but had it covered. I am smashing this mum-of-two thing, I thought as I dozed off alongside both of my sleeping cherubs, I’ve got this in the bag.

The following night, less than 24 hours after pa…

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"Such a good age": Why eight months postpartum can feel like anything but

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EIGHT MONTHS POSTPARTUM.

A time also known as: Oooft, Dear Lordy, WTF, Why? What is sleep? and alternatively, Send help.

By far, no question, without a doubt, 8 months postpartum was the hardest time for me. This is the primary reason why my single session/SOS doula day service extends beyond the newborn period to when baby turns two years old!

I’m not the only one, and I can see why so many hit rock bottom at that age. Here’s what’s going on for many mothers and birth parents in Australia at…

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Beyond Amazing: The Excruciatingly Slow Steps of a Mother's Labour of Love

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The journey of a thousand miles may start with a single step, but when you are a mother of small children each of those steps can feel excruciatingly slow. Whether the journey you take is studying, starting a business, building a career, commencing therapy, renovating, or a community project, the process may feel interminable, eternal, never ending.
You finally sign up for the thing, dedicating an hour a day to the cause, and your toddler drops their nap. The routine of da…

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The doctor and my daughter: A lesson in body safety

“There are two ways we can go about this,” says the doctor. He stands opposite me, kind eyes behind large glasses, tongue depressor and torch in hand.
My daughter buries her face into my chest, hiding as she does from all unknown men. She is crying hysterically. The doctor continues.
“You can hold her down so I can look in her mouth and throat, or we can skip this part of the examination.”
I sway her in the same soothing way I’ve always done.
“Will it he…

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Why do I talk birth when I'm a postpartum doula?

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Why do I spend so much time banging on about birth info when I’m actually a postpartum doula? Because, quite simply, we can’t pretend birth doesn’t influence postpartum.
The impact, as any mother or person whose experienced a traumatic or amazing birth will tell you, is massive. As such, preparing for birth is, in a way, preparing for postpartum, but we can’t end our efforts at birth affirmations.
My tips are:
1️⃣Get independent birth AND lactation education. You can’t re…

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3 Years In: What Would I Change?

As my child hurtles towards her third birthday and the end of infancy, I have been reflecting on my parenting and its evolution so far.
What am I satisfied with? A fair bit.
What would I do differently if I had my time over? Some things, for sure.
One thing I would absolutely not change however is supporting my child’s sleep through nurture, night and day. We have been close, responsive and watching her rather than a clock, through the non-linear process that is biologic…

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Start Early: Why Waiting To Be The "Fun One" Falls Flat

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If you’re tempted to leave the baby duties to your partner and come back for the “fun part” when they’re old enough to play, I have news for you! Unfortunately... it just doesn’t work that way.

Yes, baby care is hard, because all the skills are new and baby communication is a new language.

Think of it this way. You wouldn’t head off to a new country without doing any language training and expect to cruise through. You’d likely do some reading up, and spend a few weeks on a language app so you co…

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Mothers And Birth Parents Are Not Doormats. It's Time We Stopped Trampling Them.

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“I’ll schedule your induction for Wednesday”

“I’ll check your cervix now”

“This will make the placenta come faster”

“They’re latching fine, you’ll get used to it”

“It’s policy to place them back in the crib”

“Just let them cry, they’ll soothe themselves”

“Tongue ties aren’t real”

“Start topping up with formula after each feed”

“It’s normal to feel low/anxious/exhausted”

“You should be grateful you had any leave at all”

“Mayb…

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The Village Starts When You Decide It Does. Here's How.

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There is a wonderful story in Julia Jones’ book “Newborn Mothers” from an English midwife named Theresa.

When she first came to Australia, she’d insist mothers make a meal roster, so friends would drop meals over once the baby was born. Most would answer “Ah, but he [my partner] can cook”.

Theresa would reply:
“I know he can cook, and he can wash, and he can clean, but it’s gonna take two of you until 2pm just to sort out this 8 pounds of baby. And if there are othe…

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