What every five year old wants you to know

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Do you know any five year olds starting big school soon? Maybe even four or six year olds, gearing up for their first day?

I've got one who lives with me and they, like all their kindergarten-bound friends, have been asked "are you excited for school?" approximately 1191 times in the last two months. Yes, they are a little excited! But they're mostly nervous and confused and twenty other jumbled feelings too, and having every adult reminding them of the impending major transition in their lives is not that helpful!

Should you be seeing said school starters between now and next Thursday, I have some suggestions.

  1. If you would like really to know how they're feeling about starting school, I would recommend you ask their parents instead, preferably while the child is out of earshot. As parents, we will also happily be able to answer the predictable set of questions that usually follow, namely which school, what colour the uniforms* are, if they have school shoes and bags ready to go, who their teacher is, etc.
  2. If you want to wish the child well without causing them further angst (or having them get cross with you because you are now the 1192nd person to ask them the same question), you could write a little note or "good luck" card which their parents can give to them at a time when they have brought up the topic of school themselves. An encouraging video message to watch the day or two before they start is another good option.
  3. If you are speaking with a child other than your own and want to show you care and are interested in them, ask them about their interests! Some example questions might be "which stories or shows do you like right now?" or "what are some activities or games you've been playing lately that are really fun?". These questions can be used as starting points to explore what they like about those things and have a far richer conversation, or segway into a mutually enjoyable shared activity.

If you are the parent of the school starter like I am, our tack is obviously going to need to be different. There are lots of feelings on both sides to contend with, and I won't pretend I'm totally calm about the whole thing. Lael Stone has written an article titled "Helping with School Transition" which you might find helpful, so I won't try to reinvent that wheel here or pretend I know exactly what I'm doing.

What I do know for sure though is that others asking if they're excited about school makes things harder, not easier. Our five year olds want you to know that too.

 


*A note that not all children go to school, and not all children who go to school wear uniforms. There are many nuanced conversations around schooling that can be had if questions about it are directed towards parents rather than children, who at ages 4-6 generally do not have the final say in their type and place of education.

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