12 Tips To Get Through Sickness When Parenting Solo

Caring for young children is challenging most of the time. Add sickness (mine or theirs) and it’s a recipe for struggle. Last week I received this message, from someone who was feeling it:

"Hi Anna. How have you managed caring for a sick kid while also being sick yourself? My husband is away and our usual go-to support person says they don’t want to catch our germs and is unwilling to help with childcare. I am exhausted and don’t know how I'll get through."

This blog is a collection of the tips I offered her from my personal experience*, which may come in handy for you too. Please feel free to add your own tips in the comments.

1. Assess how bad the situation is. If it’s dire, ask your partner to come home if at all possible. It might not be, but it's worth asking the question.
2. Drop all expectations and do the bare minimum. Aside from keeping you and your kid alive, every other task can wait.
3. Take the drugs. It sure does make things a lot easier! I have learnt that despite the warnings on every packet on the chemist shelf there are decongestant sprays, cough medicines, painkillers, anti-inflammatories and more that are considered safe to have while pregnant (depending on which trimester you're in) or breastfeeding/lactating. Call Mothersafe (1800 647 848) or Pregnancy Birth and Baby (1800 882 436) and they will help you figure out what’s ok for you.
4. Ask your “go-to” people for other types of assistance. Fair enough if they’re not up for swimming in your germ soup, but sometimes they will be happy to help in other ways. Can they bring you an activity pack, a new toy from the op shop or some library books to keep your kids entertained? Can they have a phone call or read your child a story by FaceTime? Can they pick up some groceries or medicines and deliver them, do a load of laundry for you or drop off a meal? Often people are happy to do these things if they have some direction.

NOTE: It is worth speaking to your usual “go-to” person about their reasons for being unwilling to help and under what circumstances they would care for your child/ren. For example, they may not want to take your child if you can manage at home because they are going on holiday soon and want to minimise germ exposures, but would be willing to care for them if you were sick enough to need to go to hospital. Others may be unwilling under all circumstances, for their own medical or other reasons. I highly recommend having at least one backup person (ideally more than one) who lives close by but in a different household from you who would be willing to take care of your child if you require emergency medical care. This is particularly important if you are a single parent or you have a partner who works away. (If you don’t have local family support you may be able to pair up with another parent in a similar situation and offer to be their backup person too).

5. If no one can cook for you, prepare and serve and eat the easiest food you can. Yes, it’d be great to eat immune boosting superfoods when struck down by sickness but sometimes you’re not well enough to manage that. Whether you do toasties, takeaway, freezer food or cereal for dinner, it doesn’t matter for a couple of days – do what you need to do.
6. Use a lot of screens. Yes, in some kids (not all) their behaviour might deteriorate for a few days. When you are well you’ll be able to deal with that and wind it back, whereas when you’re sick you can’t deal with anything – again, drop the expectations and guilt and do what you need to do right now.
7. Listen to podcasts together. Save your voice and energies and listen to kids podcasts together instead of reading books. Some of our favourites are Fun Fables (Bedtime stories with a twist), Short Stories for Kids, Story Time, and many others on the free ABC Kids Listen app
8. Be horizontal as much as possible. It doesn’t have to be bed - the couch, lounge room floor or on a picnic blanket outside are all good options.
9. Fill up your and your child’s drink bottles before getting horizontal as per the point above. Try warm water with honey or lemon, cordial, coconut water or hydralyte if you’re struggling to get enough fluid in, or iceblocks if you're having trouble keeping it down. Maintaining decent hydration can be an even bigger challenge when you’re sick if you’re breastfeeding – watch for signs of dehydration in your baby too, as this can be very serious in infants and young children.
10. Depending on what kind of illness you have, try for a telehealth appointment if you can’t get in with your GP. This is especially important if you have something that progresses quickly and feels horrific, like mastitis.
11. Try for car naps if you are feeling touched out (and are well enough to drive obviously).
12. Book yourself something to look forward to so there seems like there’s still hope in the world.
13. Remember it will pass. It’s brutal, but you will get through this! When it is all over, be sure to ask for more support so you have a chance to rest and replenish as well.

Good luck and be kind to yourself,

Anna x

*I share these 12 tips from my experience as a coupled parent who often parents solo, rather than as a single mother. As Klyne Love and I spoke about on the Anna Asks podcast, it is a very different experience being solo while someone else is on the other end of the phone, has the potential to come back if things are completely unmanageable, and that person is earning money that will help you stay housed, pay bills, buy food, access medicines etc compared to being the one and only person your kids can rely on. I also don’t have any chronic health conditions, and recognise that if you are sick frequently (or constantly) it might not feel possible to implement some of these points. I encourage you to take what you can from this list, leave the rest, and do what works for you in your own circumstances.