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village

I'm not antisocial, I'm a doula


This article was first published elsewhere in June 2023.



There was a time in the distant pre-kids past when I was a gym junkie. With an exercise science degree under my belt, this was fraught with danger. Every time I stepped through the doors of a gym I was met with a wave of unqualified people giving their only slightly less experienced training buddies the shittest of shit advice, barely-teenage personal trainers cluelessly writing pelvic floor destructor programs for postnatal mot…

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An angry mother is an underresourced mother

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Thursday night was one of the most relaxed nights I can remember with my kids. I played and bathed with them without having to feign interest. There was no arguing or gritting my teeth despite my unfairly low-sleep-needs firstborn not being interested in sleep until well after 9pm. I was solo parenting but had it covered. I am smashing this mum-of-two thing, I thought as I dozed off alongside both of my sleeping cherubs, I’ve got this in the bag.

The following night, less than 24 hours after pa…

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The Village Starts When You Decide It Does. Here's How.

village
There is a wonderful story in Julia Jones’ book “Newborn Mothers” from an English midwife named Theresa.

When she first came to Australia, she’d insist mothers make a meal roster, so friends would drop meals over once the baby was born. Most would answer “Ah, but he [my partner] can cook”.

Theresa would reply:
“I know he can cook, and he can wash, and he can clean, but it’s gonna take two of you until 2pm just to sort out this 8 pounds of baby. And if there are othe…

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Hey Partners! Here's How to Get Us Hot Under The Collar

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You know those calendars where sexy men are doing housework? I can do one better, and it’s not just men doing the housework in real life.

Sure, people with and without appendages can cook and clean, and in most cisgender opposite-sex couple households, it’d be long overdue for men to do more of these things.

Yet to me these are the minimum of adulting, not what’s going to get me hot under the collar.

So what does?

When I hear my giggling child say “s…

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Pandemic Motherhood Getting You Down? It's Not Just You.

Dad worked such long hours
“Dad worked such long hours... how did you do it alone for so long?”

Mum tilted her head and thought a while.

“We had an excursion each day. We did the groceries or met someone at a park, went to playgroup and swimming. And we had excellent neighbours.”

I thought of the weeks and months we’ve spent staying home. The parks we visit early before the crowds. Play dates postponed for the slightest of sniffles. The groceries done by click and collect because babies don’t wear m…

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