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Are you a Default Parent?

This article was first published elsewhere in June 2023.


 

What makes a Default Parent? Hint: it’s not your body parts.

Default Parents are the ones whose own lives are intertwined with their child(ren)’s to such depth it is impossible to prise them apart.

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Photo by Jordan Whitt on Unsplash

They are the ones who, if out for lunch on a weekend, are asked who’s looking after the kids.

They are the ones who know if their children’s school fees, vaccinations and dental checks …

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From bliss to psychosis and the long road back to mental health - An interview with Emmeline Tyler

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We now know it's important to be on the lookout for signs of postnatal depression, anxiety and even psychosis in the early days, but what happens if a mother experiences a mental health crisis further down the track?

In this episode of the Anna Asks podcast, Emmeline Tyler (she/her) shares openly about her birth and blissful postpartum, and how these assisted in helping her be well. She explains how personal and societal factors influenced the unravelling of her mental health during the toddler…

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"What about the Children?!" - The ethics and outcomes of surrogacy

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A recent post by prominent birth-related Instagram account @trusting_birth suggested, as many others have done previously, that surrogacy is unethical. This was the case, in their opinion, regardless of whether the surrogate carried the pregnancy through commercial or altruistic avenues.  As commercial surrogacy is illegal in Australia, this article will address altruistic surrogacy, whereby the surrogate[1] does not receive payment for their role in carrying or birthing the baby. 

The original…

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An angry mother is an underresourced mother

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Thursday night was one of the most relaxed nights I can remember with my kids. I played and bathed with them without having to feign interest. There was no arguing or gritting my teeth despite my unfairly low-sleep-needs firstborn not being interested in sleep until well after 9pm. I was solo parenting but had it covered. I am smashing this mum-of-two thing, I thought as I dozed off alongside both of my sleeping cherubs, I’ve got this in the bag.

The following night, less than 24 hours after pa…

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"Such a good age": Why eight months postpartum can feel like anything but

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EIGHT MONTHS POSTPARTUM.

A time also known as: Oooft, Dear Lordy, WTF, Why? What is sleep? and alternatively, Send help.

By far, no question, without a doubt, 8 months postpartum was the hardest time for me. This is the primary reason why my single session/SOS doula day service extends beyond the newborn period to when baby turns two years old!

I’m not the only one, and I can see why so many hit rock bottom at that age. Here’s what’s going on for many mothers and birth parents in Australia at…

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Hey Partners! Here's How to Get Us Hot Under The Collar

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You know those calendars where sexy men are doing housework? I can do one better, and it’s not just men doing the housework in real life.

Sure, people with and without appendages can cook and clean, and in most cisgender opposite-sex couple households, it’d be long overdue for men to do more of these things.

Yet to me these are the minimum of adulting, not what’s going to get me hot under the collar.

So what does?

When I hear my giggling child say “s…

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Pandemic Motherhood Getting You Down? It's Not Just You.

Dad worked such long hours
“Dad worked such long hours... how did you do it alone for so long?”

Mum tilted her head and thought a while.

“We had an excursion each day. We did the groceries or met someone at a park, went to playgroup and swimming. And we had excellent neighbours.”

I thought of the weeks and months we’ve spent staying home. The parks we visit early before the crowds. Play dates postponed for the slightest of sniffles. The groceries done by click and collect because babies don’t wear m…

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