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Motherhood

I'm not antisocial, I'm a doula


This article was first published elsewhere in June 2023.



There was a time in the distant pre-kids past when I was a gym junkie. With an exercise science degree under my belt, this was fraught with danger. Every time I stepped through the doors of a gym I was met with a wave of unqualified people giving their only slightly less experienced training buddies the shittest of shit advice, barely-teenage personal trainers cluelessly writing pelvic floor destructor programs for postnatal mot…

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Are you a Default Parent?

This article was first published elsewhere in June 2023.


 

What makes a Default Parent? Hint: it’s not your body parts.

Default Parents are the ones whose own lives are intertwined with their child(ren)’s to such depth it is impossible to prise them apart.

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Photo by Jordan Whitt on Unsplash

They are the ones who, if out for lunch on a weekend, are asked who’s looking after the kids.

They are the ones who know if their children’s school fees, vaccinations and dental checks …

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Flu season, carers' leave and the career stumbling block we don't speak about

This article was first published elsewhere in June 2023.


 

No matter how big or small, every business owner sometimes gets the urge to throw it all into the bin and get a “normal” job. While this happens only occasionally for me, I recently had the unsettling revelation that this option isn’t available to me right now. Not because of some virtuous reason of “serving families” or “doing my life’s work” but, depressingly, because my kids and I are sick too often for me to hold down a…

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Queering Messy Motherhood


This month’s topic on the Anna Asks podcast is “Queering Motherhood” and my guest is Melbourne-based doula Rafferty Hallows (they/them).

We recorded this episode with an unsettled four month old (me) and from a car due to nearby construction noise (Raff).

Both of us feel it’s important to share the messiness of motherhood, so the editing is a bit rougher on this one. There are places where I just couldn’t find a segue thank…

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On the nose - The smells of postpartum


This article was first published elsewhere in May 2023.



Have you ever walked into a home and been smacked in the face by the smell of milky baby? I have. Over and again at friends’ and clients’ houses, I have opened the door to their early postpartum world and been whacked fair in the nostrils by the sweet smell of baby love. And yet, I can not smell it in my own.

We know smell is such an important sense for our babies. Baby’s first exposure to smell is that of their amniot…

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From bliss to psychosis and the long road back to mental health - An interview with Emmeline Tyler

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We now know it's important to be on the lookout for signs of postnatal depression, anxiety and even psychosis in the early days, but what happens if a mother experiences a mental health crisis further down the track?

In this episode of the Anna Asks podcast, Emmeline Tyler (she/her) shares openly about her birth and blissful postpartum, and how these assisted in helping her be well. She explains how personal and societal factors influenced the unravelling of her mental health during the toddler…

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"Regretting Motherhood": 6 Key Learning Points for Doulas and Parents

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You know when you think you’re not that hungry, only to start eating and find out you’re ravenous?

This is exactly how it was for me reading Regretting Motherhood by Orna Donath. After many not-that-exciting motherhood related reads in 2023, once I got my teeth into this one I devoured it. I didn’t want it to end, and found myself doing the reading version of “licking the bowl”, i.e. studying the reference list in detail!

If you are a feminist, someone who works with mothers, or a feminist who…

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3 tips to do 70% of your best in 2024

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New Year is often the time people decide they’re going to do more of something, less of another, transform this or ditch that. While I’m not one for resolutions, I can appreciate there are certain times of year when it’s easier to find motivation for healthful behaviours than others. (The rhyme isn’t the only reason Dry July is much more palatable concept for many than Dry December!)

If there are any Default Parents reading this and thinking about setting personal “goals” or “intentions” for 20…

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An angry mother is an underresourced mother

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Thursday night was one of the most relaxed nights I can remember with my kids. I played and bathed with them without having to feign interest. There was no arguing or gritting my teeth despite my unfairly low-sleep-needs firstborn not being interested in sleep until well after 9pm. I was solo parenting but had it covered. I am smashing this mum-of-two thing, I thought as I dozed off alongside both of my sleeping cherubs, I’ve got this in the bag.

The following night, less than 24 hours after pa…

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"Such a good age": Why eight months postpartum can feel like anything but

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EIGHT MONTHS POSTPARTUM.

A time also known as: Oooft, Dear Lordy, WTF, Why? What is sleep? and alternatively, Send help.

By far, no question, without a doubt, 8 months postpartum was the hardest time for me. This is the primary reason why my single session/SOS doula day service extends beyond the newborn period to when baby turns two years old!

I’m not the only one, and I can see why so many hit rock bottom at that age. Here’s what’s going on for many mothers and birth parents in Australia at…

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