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I tried so hard to get my child to take a comforter
I tried so hard to get my child to take a comforter. It was a square piece of fleece blue fabric with white stars and a satin yellow underside, with a toy head sewn to the centre that may have been a giraffe or perhaps a spotted horse or maybe even a cow depending on who was looking at it.
I wore it inside my shirt, held it between us as we breastfed, all the things you’re told to do to make a “lovey” loved by association.
I took it on holidays and lamented that I was the one des…
Parents, when you don't know what to say, try this.
Sometimes parents ask me “What do I say when my child does xyz?” They don’t want to yell but don’t know what to say instead and get stuck in old patterns.
To those people I say “How can you know what to say before you’ve listened?”
Every behaviour is an attempt at communication and connection, however misguided or seemingly irrational.
Turn your feet and body towards them. Soften your stomach. Uncross your arms. Crouch down to their eye level, maybe sit on the floor with t…
I 100 per cent get how tired you are right now
“Oh, the sleep deprivation. I 100 per cent get how tired you are right now.”
So says the bearded tradie I’ve never met before, who is currently in my kitchen attempting to fix our under-sink plumbing.
It’s just after 8am and I am on the couch nearby in my pyjamas, bleary-eyed, feeding my squirming toddler.
We’ve been up together since 4am, except for the not-sure-if-it-was-worth-it nap I wrangled between 7.15am when hubby got up to get ready for work and 8am when…
Seven Minute Bluey Parenting Challenge
Every episode of Bluey is seven minutes.
When you think cartoon dogs are doing better at parenting than you, remember you are only seeing them parenting for seven minutes across a day.
Sometimes being “fun” is the last thing we want to do, but we can totally do seven minutes.
Set a timer to be totally child-led and phone-free for seven minutes.
Maybe 14 if 7 was too easy, or 21 if you’re feeling brave.
When you know there’s an end point, it’s easier than you’d think.
Give it a go - Chilli and Bandit g…
No, I Do Not Support Your Parenting Choices
Some people will say they will support you in your parenting choices, whatever those choices are. I am not one of them.
If an adult hits or threatens to hit another adult, that’s abuse. If a parent hits or threatens to hit a child, that’s abuse.
If you know that smacked children are more likely to become adults who misuse alcohol, experience depression and engage in anti-social and aggressive behaviours, and still choose to use violence or threats of it against your children, I c…
Gentle Parenting is Not Unboundaried Passivity
Gentle parenting respects the needs of children as valid and worthy of being met, without dismissing the needs or boundaries of their parents.
Gentle parenting is developmentally appropriate guidance and support, not a lack of discipline.
Gentle parenting is expansive for parents, not self-minimising.
Gentle parenting creates confident, resilient individuals, not spoiled ones.
Gentle parenting is an active, effortful choice, not avoidant passivity.
…
To the Parents Playing the Long Game
To the parents playing the long gameGentle parenting, responsive parenting, conscious parenting… whatever you want to call it, it’s not easy.
There are a million times you will want to send them to their rooms, introduce some kind of rigid sleep or feeding schedule, tell them to get over it.
There will be a million times you’ll get side-eye in the supermarket while they’re crying, wind up crying yourself, wonder if your relationship will survive this.
The…
Lockdown Was Easier Than This
At the risk of sounding like an ungrateful cow... lockdown was easier than this.
Not necessarily better, but definitely easier.
I know I’m in the acute minority for whom this is the case, how beyond fortunate I am, how this might sound hugely selfish or plain ridiculous to some, but it’s true for me.
During lockdown, my partner was working from home on reasonably flexible hours.
For me as a stay-home, work-in-pockets-of-time parent, those few months of lockdown were…
Motherhood and child-raising are framed as sites of competition.
Motherhood and child-raising are framed as sites of competition.
From the very start, you’ll be told you don’t want your child to be at the smaller end of the growth chart.
You want them to be ahead of their milestones.
You want them to be “keeping up” at school.
And if they're not, well, it’s on you.
What did you do wrong?
Did you give them too much support, or not enough?
How did you let this happen on your watch?
Mothers and primary pa…
My Kids Are Not The Problem. Your Expectations Are.
Kids are not good sleepers, by adult standards.
Kids eat frequently, by adult standards.
Kids are emotionally volatile, by adult standards.
Kids are clingy, by adult standards.
Kids are hyperactive, by adult standards.
Kids are loud, by adult standards.
Kids are messy, by adult standards.
Kids ask too many questions, by adult standards.
✅Yes! Kids are a lot, but that’s not actually a problem.
❌Ad…
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