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Motherhood and child-raising are framed as sites of competition.
Motherhood and child-raising are framed as sites of competition.
From the very start, you’ll be told you don’t want your child to be at the smaller end of the growth chart.
You want them to be ahead of their milestones.
You want them to be “keeping up” at school.
And if they're not, well, it’s on you.
What did you do wrong?
Did you give them too much support, or not enough?
How did you let this happen on your watch?
Mothers and primary pa…
My Kids Are Not The Problem. Your Expectations Are.
Kids are not good sleepers, by adult standards.
Kids eat frequently, by adult standards.
Kids are emotionally volatile, by adult standards.
Kids are clingy, by adult standards.
Kids are hyperactive, by adult standards.
Kids are loud, by adult standards.
Kids are messy, by adult standards.
Kids ask too many questions, by adult standards.
✅Yes! Kids are a lot, but that’s not actually a problem.
❌Ad…
Mothers As A Foghorn For The Family's Needs: Why It's Not As Simple As Telling Fathers To "Step Up"
“My doctor was lovely but they didn’t get it. They suggested therapy and yes, it might help, but I already know what I need to do to look after myself.
I need to read a book in the sunshine, with more than five minutes between interruptions.
I need to go for a run, regularly.
I need to sleep for ten years.
And above all, I need my husband to deal with his own sh*t so he can actually parent instead of me doing everything for everyone and him being a passenger in this family.”
I r…
Reimagining Post-Lockdown Life
Where do my priorities lie?
In the home where I’ve been while dreaming of outside?
In the eyes I avoid when the feelings are too strong?
The teeth that bite if you’re awake too long?
The food demanded, chewed then thrown away?
The same path walked each and every day?
In day care or swim class or playgrounds galore,
Or a job that beckons behind long locked doors?
In a bank account that could be healthy or be bare,
Or a heart that is full of love to share?
In lessons to learn and l…
Identity Through The Eyes Of A Child
“Where’s Mum?” she asks her dad.
“My wife? She’s back now, just there”, he says cheekily.
“No, it’s Mum!”, she shrieks, seeing me down the hallway.
“Oh, you mean Grandma’s daughter?”
“No, it’s Mum!”
“Aunty Ro’s sister?”
“No, Mum!”
“Lisa’s friend?”
“No Dad, it’s just my Muummmmm!”
She runs to me, squealing with delight, and wraps those pudgy little arms of hers tightly around my neck.
This is how my child sees me – in relationship with her alone…
Catching Up Post-Lockdown? 6 questions you can ask new parents before you meet their new baby
New parents might have felt sad or isolated through lockdown. They might also be feeling anxious about restrictions easing.
Here are 6 questions you can ask new parents before you meet their new baby to help them feel prepared for and safe during your visit, and to help you feel a lot less awkward about not knowing where their personal boundaries lie.
1. Would you like to meet up soon, or hold off a while?
You may be busting to meet the baby, but ultimately your job …
Are There Societal Silver Linings To Lockdown?
I’ve often wondered what the effect is of sectioning off age groups is.In families where intergenerational living and few siblings are common, we spend a great deal of our lifetimes with people our own age:
At day care and preschool with other under 5s
Primary school with other kids
High school as a teen with teens
Study/early work/travel with other young adults
Work with other adults Then we hit mat leave, caring (largely alone) for someone i…The answers you seek aren’t in your feed
We talked through that scene over and over.
The plane crashing through the doors of the hanger, John Travolta in black hunting down Nicolas Cage in red, bullets flying everywhere.
Miss Two had seen some of the 90s movie Face/Off accidentally, and told me it was “scary”, yet still she asked to watch it again. Instead we talked about it as nauseam, role played, and I cuddled her as we went through it for the fifteenth time.
When we see or experience something at odds with our reality we want to und…
How I "Get So Much Done"
“How do you get so much done?”
I give answers like “well my house just stays filthy” and “I get my ideas in order while mothering then smash them out when I get time”, but really what I want to say is this:
- A lifetime of white, middle class, cis-gender, heterosexual, generally mentally well, neurotypical, sans-physical disability, local family, partnered, non-traumatic life experience-related privilege; and
- My partner parents.
If the first point sounds like you, and you have a partner an…
I knew I’d be tired, I didn’t know I’d be furious.
I knew I’d be tired, I didn’t know I’d be furious.
Furious waking up, after a brutal night, knowing I’ll be solo for hours on end.
Furious opening my social feed, to see some BS targeted ad telling me my baby must broken and I better buy their wonder program/white noise machine/essential oils or else.
Furious in the aisle, when the requests for purposefully placed, sugar-laden, cartooned-charactered cereal boxes are declined and met with a meltdown.
Furious at the c…
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