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I'm not antisocial, I'm a doula


This article was first published elsewhere in June 2023.



There was a time in the distant pre-kids past when I was a gym junkie. With an exercise science degree under my belt, this was fraught with danger. Every time I stepped through the doors of a gym I was met with a wave of unqualified people giving their only slightly less experienced training buddies the shittest of shit advice, barely-teenage personal trainers cluelessly writing pelvic floor destructor programs for postnatal mot…

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Are you a Default Parent?

This article was first published elsewhere in June 2023.


 

What makes a Default Parent? Hint: it’s not your body parts.

Default Parents are the ones whose own lives are intertwined with their child(ren)’s to such depth it is impossible to prise them apart.

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Photo by Jordan Whitt on Unsplash

They are the ones who, if out for lunch on a weekend, are asked who’s looking after the kids.

They are the ones who know if their children’s school fees, vaccinations and dental checks …

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Flu season, carers' leave and the career stumbling block we don't speak about

This article was first published elsewhere in June 2023.


 

No matter how big or small, every business owner sometimes gets the urge to throw it all into the bin and get a “normal” job. While this happens only occasionally for me, I recently had the unsettling revelation that this option isn’t available to me right now. Not because of some virtuous reason of “serving families” or “doing my life’s work” but, depressingly, because my kids and I are sick too often for me to hold down a…

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Desperately seeking silence: When raising kids means living in a sound bath, and not in a good way


This article was first published elsewhere in May 2023.



My six month old has recently discovered screeching, and it is death to my nervous system.

Want mum? Screech. Want that food mum’s eating but can’t get to it? Screech! Sore tummy from eating mum’s food? Screeeeccchhhhh!!!

As I type a variety of earplugs, ear muffs and noise cancelling headphones dot our house in child, average adult and giant-man sizes. There are times we yell from a few steps away and others we communicate…

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Queering Messy Motherhood


This month’s topic on the Anna Asks podcast is “Queering Motherhood” and my guest is Melbourne-based doula Rafferty Hallows (they/them).

We recorded this episode with an unsettled four month old (me) and from a car due to nearby construction noise (Raff).

Both of us feel it’s important to share the messiness of motherhood, so the editing is a bit rougher on this one. There are places where I just couldn’t find a segue thank…

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On the nose - The smells of postpartum


This article was first published elsewhere in May 2023.



Have you ever walked into a home and been smacked in the face by the smell of milky baby? I have. Over and again at friends’ and clients’ houses, I have opened the door to their early postpartum world and been whacked fair in the nostrils by the sweet smell of baby love. And yet, I can not smell it in my own.

We know smell is such an important sense for our babies. Baby’s first exposure to smell is that of their amniot…

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From bliss to psychosis and the long road back to mental health - An interview with Emmeline Tyler

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We now know it's important to be on the lookout for signs of postnatal depression, anxiety and even psychosis in the early days, but what happens if a mother experiences a mental health crisis further down the track?

In this episode of the Anna Asks podcast, Emmeline Tyler (she/her) shares openly about her birth and blissful postpartum, and how these assisted in helping her be well. She explains how personal and societal factors influenced the unravelling of her mental health during the toddler…

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"What about the Children?!" - The ethics and outcomes of surrogacy

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A recent post by prominent birth-related Instagram account @trusting_birth suggested, as many others have done previously, that surrogacy is unethical. This was the case, in their opinion, regardless of whether the surrogate carried the pregnancy through commercial or altruistic avenues.  As commercial surrogacy is illegal in Australia, this article will address altruistic surrogacy, whereby the surrogate[1] does not receive payment for their role in carrying or birthing the baby. 

The original…

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Bigger Bodies and Birth: Cutting through the BS to help make the best decisions for you

Anti-fat sentiment is pervasive in all aspects of our society, and is particularly dangerous and harmful in the realm of pregnancy, birth and postnatal care. In the words (1) of size-friendly birth educator Pamela Vireday,

“Fat women are tired of being marginalized by the medical community. They tell stories of egregious bias, of being treated as less than human. They also tell stories of subtle bias, of providers who seem to be size-friendly but ultimately are not.”

In this week’s newslet…

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"Regretting Motherhood": 6 Key Learning Points for Doulas and Parents

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You know when you think you’re not that hungry, only to start eating and find out you’re ravenous?

This is exactly how it was for me reading Regretting Motherhood by Orna Donath. After many not-that-exciting motherhood related reads in 2023, once I got my teeth into this one I devoured it. I didn’t want it to end, and found myself doing the reading version of “licking the bowl”, i.e. studying the reference list in detail!

If you are a feminist, someone who works with mothers, or a feminist who…

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