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Why I won't ask to hold your baby
A postpartum doula will not ask to hold your baby.
We recognise the sanctity of the bond you and your baby have, the interdependence of your biological, hormonal and emotional needs through the early days and entire fourth trimester with your baby earthside.
And so, we will not visit intending to hold your baby, but to hold you in whatever way you need.
That may be through nurturing touch massage, talking you through a guided meditation while you feed or doing your dis…
3 Years In: What Would I Change?
As my child hurtles towards her third birthday and the end of infancy, I have been reflecting on my parenting and its evolution so far.
What am I satisfied with? A fair bit.
What would I do differently if I had my time over? Some things, for sure.
One thing I would absolutely not change however is supporting my child’s sleep through nurture, night and day. We have been close, responsive and watching her rather than a clock, through the non-linear process that is biologic…
Where is this leading? What it looks like when systemic birth interventions go unchecked
Sometimes when I speak with women and parents about birth interventions and systemic trauma, they wonder aloud “where does this end?”
The answer is this: left unchecked, it doesn’t.
In Brazil 82% of private hospital births are Caesareans. The total rate across the country is 55.8%. The episiotomy rate for vaginal birth is 94.2%.
Why?
The article “Why Most Brazilian Women Get C-Sections” in The Atlantic explains in detail, but in short:
-It’s a way to “optimise”…
The Default or The Doula? Why We Need To Talk About Birth Partners Now More Than Ever.
Imagine waddling up to the desk at the maternity ward, labour in full swing. The masked midwife offers you a choice of Room One or Two. They are identical rooms, staffed by the same care team, and you are allowed one support person regardless of which room you choose.
Choose Room Two, she tells you, and your labour will be on average 41 minutes shorter than in Room One. You’ll be 31% less likely to need drugs to speed up your labour and 28% less likely to deliver via caesarean. You’ll also be…
Again? Birthing Parents Ignored Again While Hillsong Parties Down The Road
I went on my first school camp at Glenrock Scout Camp, aged around 9 or 10 years old. That place has been in the news lately, but it wasn’t a big deal then.
What I remember as a view from a bunk bed, a movie night and a cold lagoon has been used in the last few days for Hillsong’s “Wildlife” event and summer camp. Footage from the event (released by Hillsong Youth in their own social media, not leaked), shows hundreds of people singing and dancing to performers inside a massive tent, …
Start Early: Why Waiting To Be The "Fun One" Falls Flat
If you’re tempted to leave the baby duties to your partner and come back for the “fun part” when they’re old enough to play, I have news for you! Unfortunately... it just doesn’t work that way.
Yes, baby care is hard, because all the skills are new and baby communication is a new language.
Think of it this way. You wouldn’t head off to a new country without doing any language training and expect to cruise through. You’d likely do some reading up, and spend a few weeks on a language app so you co…
Mothers And Birth Parents Are Not Doormats. It's Time We Stopped Trampling Them.
“I’ll schedule your induction for Wednesday”
“I’ll check your cervix now”
“This will make the placenta come faster”
“They’re latching fine, you’ll get used to it”
“It’s policy to place them back in the crib”
“Just let them cry, they’ll soothe themselves”
“Tongue ties aren’t real”
“Start topping up with formula after each feed”
“It’s normal to feel low/anxious/exhausted”
“You should be grateful you had any leave at all”
“Mayb…
The Village Starts When You Decide It Does. Here's How.
There is a wonderful story in Julia Jones’ book “Newborn Mothers” from an English midwife named Theresa.
When she first came to Australia, she’d insist mothers make a meal roster, so friends would drop meals over once the baby was born. Most would answer “Ah, but he [my partner] can cook”.
Theresa would reply:
“I know he can cook, and he can wash, and he can clean, but it’s gonna take two of you until 2pm just to sort out this 8 pounds of baby. And if there are othe…
Hey Partners! Here's How to Get Us Hot Under The Collar
You know those calendars where sexy men are doing housework? I can do one better, and it’s not just men doing the housework in real life.
Sure, people with and without appendages can cook and clean, and in most cisgender opposite-sex couple households, it’d be long overdue for men to do more of these things.
Yet to me these are the minimum of adulting, not what’s going to get me hot under the collar.
So what does?
When I hear my giggling child say “s…
Losing The Plot? Unfortunately, It's On Us.
In the process of eating this bowl of pasta, I was interrupted to read to a toddler on the potty and wipe them.
I took the potty outside to rinse it and shut the barking dog up, because even though there was a full bucket of water right next to it, they wanted to drink from the empty one.
On my way past the laundry I put the wet washing into the basket and carried it to the back step.
Feeling very organised I re-entered am eerily quiet lounge room to find green crayon be…
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