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Top Tips for Partners Post-birth

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The number one question I get from partners in post-birth prep session is "What can I actually do when the baby's here?"
Here are my top ten tips for expecting partners and supporters.
1. Be there.
Take as much leave as you can, skip Friday drinks and soccer training. Your reassuring presence is supremely valuable.
2. Be her bodyguard.
Some visitors are energy vampires. Keep an eye on the clock and wrap up visits if she's fading. It's also on you to step in i…

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Teaching vs experiencing body safety: Why my child isn't "just a bit shy"

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“Ok, it’s time to go now. Let’s say goodbye to everybody”, I say, picking up my toddler.

She nestles into my shoulder as I approach each person at the table in turn, telling them we’re leaving.

They move to hug or kiss me, reach for my hand saying how we “must do this again soon”, then go to do the same to her.

I rock back slightly, creating distance between us once more.

“Would you like to hug Tom, or just wave?” I ask her.

Over the past ten days, this process has bee…

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Things they don't tell you about motherhood #2739 (and 10 things that help)

Anger

I have never felt so angry in all my life as in the last two weeks.

I'm certainly not immune to anger, but it often passes pretty soon. Until the last fortnight, the worst bout of anger I've had in recent years was the week I spent writing my book chapter on anger (funny that).

This time though, it's been epic. I didn't have a blue with my partner, and nothing particularly awful happened, but every tool in my tool-belt has been called on to avoid throwing the child I love most in the world acr…

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What's wrong, Mama?

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The baby is ten months old.
She wants to crawl but her dress catches under her knees.
She sits, unable to get away.
She is a good baby.

The child is four years old.
The family is leaving the party, but first she must hug the uncle who keeps tickling her when she tells him to stop.
She hugs him.
She is polite.

The girl is seven years old.
She hears her Aunty talking about what happened to her at the hospital when she birthed her baby.
She doesn’t ask questions.
She is res…

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The Mothermorphosis

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“Come at me baby, I can take you. Give me everything you’ve got”.
My daughter was five months old when these words left my lips.
The moment they escaped, I felt sick.

I knew I couldn’t handle all the parts of her.
She was a firecracker.
All her feelings, all her boundary pushing, her power and glory... they were too much for the woman who spoke them and I knew it.

I was scared.
The anxiety rose.
It would take a huge, ongoing up-levelling, to be with a child so strong-willed.

A year and a half later, she …

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Why Investing In Mothers Will Help Solve the Childhood Physical Inactivity Epidemic

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This morning I watched a video of Serena Williams training in the lead up to the Australian Open with her daughter hitting balls alongside her. Aside from being super cute, it got me reflecting on a question I was asked in an interview earlier this week: “what would be the single most important step we could take towards solving the problem of childhood inactivity?”

Physical activity in children helps with concentration, learning, emotional regulation, sleep quality, bone and muscular health, c…

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A Letter To My Mum Across The Border

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Dear Mum,


She is getting so big now, you won’t believe it when you see her. The clothes she wore when you were here in March are packed away, and so are the next size after that.


She’s worn through two sizes of shoes, and that big clever brain is growing too (mental note: must buy her a new hat).


The crawling baby you pushed in a pram last visit is now confidently running. She’s trying to climb things and when she feels really brave, attempting little jumps too. She spends a great …

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What going "overdue" taught me

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When this photo was taken at 40+3, I thought I was so ready to meet my baby.
I had imagined what it would be like to grow and hold a child in my arms for the years of fertility doubts we’d traversed before her conception. I had cultivated a strong connection with her over many months of meditating, journaling and daydreaming. We had sunk into sleep to birth affirmations, had our “last hurrah” childless couple date and the birth pool was inflated, waiting.
Contractions started a…

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What I Want For Dads This Fathers' Day

2Fathers' Day Wishlist
Isn’t it telling that Mothers’ Day celebrations often aim to give mums "time out" FROM their kids, yet Fathers' Day is about dads spending time WITH their kids?

The underlying sociocultural assumptions here are that:
1. Mums do the lion’s share of child care, even in families where both parents are present in the home.
2. Dads spending a significant portion of the day with their kids is unusual.

While this doesn’t reflect the reality for some families, data from the Aus…

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Bring your whole self to the experience

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In one of my favourite books (and less conventional pre-baby maternity leave reads) "The Five Invitations", author Frank Ostaseski invites us to bring our whole selves to the experience of life so we can approach death without fear and regret.

If we strive to the patriarchal, capitalist mantles of womanhood and motherhood as pure selflessness, sacrificing of our own needs to meet the needs of others, we repress our experience of life and risk approaching those breaths unfulfilled.


How would it f…

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