Teaching vs experiencing body safety: Why my child isn't "just a bit shy"

“Ok, it’s time to go now. Let’s say goodbye to everybody”, I say, picking up my toddler.
She nestles into my shoulder as I approach each person at the table in turn, telling them we’re leaving.
They move to hug or kiss me, reach for my hand saying how we “must do this again soon”, then go to do the same to her.
I rock back slightly, creating distance between us once more.
“Would you like to hug Tom, or just wave?” I ask her.
Over the past ten days, this process has been repeated hundreds of times - every luncheon, every occasion, every goodnight, every time we leave our hosts to travel to the next stop on our road trip.
You want to know what she chooses?



TEN.









One day she will have a first date, go to a house party, have drinks bought for her in a bar.
I honour her “no” now, so she knows she can use it later, that I’ll be there for her if she needs to be picked up, that she can tell me about how she feels if she couldn’t speak up.
Don’t get me wrong - I love watching the joy of the 10%.
When she wants to hug and kiss hello or goodbye, the joy on both of their faces lights up the room.
But that 90%, that’s where the power is.

*
Want to learn more about teaching kids body safety and consent from the start? My interview with Caroline Ellen on episode 9 of the Motherhood Made Magic podcast is the one for you.
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