On cuddling, and waking up happily

This article was first published elsewhere in November 2023.

The day breaks.

In the dim light I can make out knuckle dimples, wrist creases, that curve where you can’t quite tell where cheek ends and neck begins.

Eyelashes, unfathomably long, rest peacefully on the roundest of cheeks. I marvel over the form sprawled beside me as it rises and falls with breath. I made that body inside my body, and now it’s here and it’s beautiful.

The tiny creature animates, piglet-like, eyes shut and searching. She latches, drinks, then stretches, satisfied. Her eyelids flutter, pupils expanding and contracting, before her gaze meets mine. Pure joy spreads across her face. She babbles happily as we cuddle, watching the shadows of leaves dancing on the curtain.

This is how we start our day.

I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

If you can’t tell, I love waking up with my baby who is already not really a baby anymore in my bed. When write something like this I feel the urge to say something like “co-sleeping is not for every family.” It’s true - you need to do what works for you and your kid, who may or may not like to share your bed. Still, no one ever writes about their baby sleeping in a cot and includes a caveat like “separate sleep isn’t for every family.”

When we deviate even slightly from the normative script, we frame discussions our parenting methods as merely a suggestion, lest we be met with reactive defensiveness by those who perceive we are attacking theirs as inferior. I won’t go into that further here, but I will tangentially note that the experiences of women in general is diabolically under-researched1. The experiences of mothers, particularly those who do things “differently”, receives even less attention.

If you are a mother who is living in Australia and bedsharing with baby aged 3-5 months old, you might like to participate in this study from Monash University.2 The research team, led by Dr. Levita D’Souza, describes the purpose of the study as follows:

“The aim of this study is to explore how women who share sleep with their infants make the decision to do so, how they receive infant sleep education and the extent to which they incorporate these recommendations with their infants. The study also aims to examine how women's mental health is impacted when their shared sleep practices align and do not align with current infant sleep guidelines and the perceived acceptability of shared sleep practices amongst professional and personal networks. This research hopes to help perinatal health service providers tailor current infant safe-sleep education to make it culturally sensitive and inclusive.”

Not sure about you but the only information I received from health practitioners about co-sleeping with my first baby was “DON’T DO IT!!!” It took “doing my own research” (as much as I hate that phrase) to learn how to do it safely. Then when I did eventually tell some nurses etc. I was co-sleeping because it’s the only way I could get through mentally and physically, they told me that’s what they did when their kids were small too! It’s cracked. Hopefully this research will go some of the way to changing the information practitioners have at hand (and are willing to share) to assist families.

Anyways sleeping with this baby from day dot has been great. Who would’ve thought cuddling a baby while drifting to sleep instead of pacing the hallway for eternity then rocking exactly 200 times before transferring to a cot only to be woken by screams ten mins later is a far superior way for everyone to get some shut eye, no sleep training required? Highly recommend.

I also send out 1-2 members-only posts as part of my Default Parent Project membership. It’s $8 (standard price) or $6 concession and single parent price per month. You can find out more about the membership here.