Where Has Our Gut Feeling Gone?
[Following on from the image above]
What alienates us from our gut feeling as parents?
👉Traumatic or disrupted birth experiences or health system interactions that leave us feeling disconnected from our bodies and our babies
👉Social structures that prevent us seeing the breadth of normal infant behaviour before we have our own babies
👉A pervasive sleep training culture and lack of access to quality resources around how to make co-sleeping safe
👉Individualistic culture that leaves parents exhausted due to lack of support and expects children to be independent before their nervous systems are developmentally ready
👉”Expert” opinions positioned as superior to our own knowledge about our babies
👉Capitalism that pathologises our children (i.e. plants the idea there’s something wrong with them) to sell us solutions
👉Stress about our family’s safety (marginalisation, racism, persecution, financial, housing, pandemic, conflict, climate etc.)
This is overlaid on our childhood experiences of:
👉Overtly traumatic experiences (e.g. direct abuse, violence in the home)
👉Not feeling physically safe, loved, wanted, good enough or held emotionally as children
👉Suppressing our feelings (e.g. anger, pain) to be considered worthy of love
👉Suppressing our authentic expression to survive the schooling system
👉Stresses of any kind that put us into into a state of “survival mode” to get through
This list is not exhaustive, but it does remind us that we ALL have work to do to hold and heal our inner child.
❤️It takes compassionate self-enquiry.
❤️It takes awareness of the systems that benefit when we are disconnected from self.
❤️It takes time.
🧸We can start reconnecting with and healing our selves through parenting our babies.
🔗By recognising their needs as valid, we can start to break so many intergenerational cycles.
👶 This can be part of why those early years feel SO intense.
🙏I beg you - let them stay connected to their gut instinct by overriding the conditioning to ignore yours.
🗣Please show them how to express anger safely, and let them do the same.
🍦 Please don’t bribe them.
🤱And above all, please pick them up when they cry, and let them know their tears are okay.
They are okay.
And you are perfect too.
🎥This piece was inspired by Dr Gabor Maté’s “The Wisdom of Trauma” movie at www.wisdomoftrauma.com
From the website:
“Dr. Maté is an expert on addiction, trauma, childhood development, and the relationship of stress and illness...
Rather than offering quick-fix solutions to these complex issues, Dr. Maté weaves together scientific research, case histories, and his own insights and experience to present a broad perspective that enlightens and empowers people to promote their own healing and that of those around them.”
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