Bluey and Boundaries

Have you seen that episode of Bluey where the parents get put in ‘dance mode’ which makes them dance in socially awkward situations? At the end of the episode, Bingo (Bluey’s sister) is sad after getting her dad to dance at a time of her mum Chilli’s choosing, not her own. Chilli asks Bingo “sometimes does your outside voice say ‘yes’, even when your inside voice says ‘no’?”. The moral of the story is to listen to and respect our quiet inner voice, not just give an answer that pleases others.

We are trained that we should say ‘yes’ to all opportunities, to be go-getters. ‘You’ll never know if you never give it a go” we are told, as we are thrust forward into the next challenge. FOMO is real in the era of social media. What if one of our biggest challenges of all is firstly recognising, and secondly respecting, our own boundaries?

This is something I’m working on. And I hope you will consider yours too, especially if you’re approaching late pregnancy or you have little ones (and big ones) that push your buttons.

So what is that pushes your buttons? This is what gives you clues to your boundaries, although it may not be exactly in the way you think. Is it an empty toilet roll after you’ve already sat on the loo that drives you crazy? Perhaps it’s not the ‘laziness’ of the last user that’s making you cranky.

Dig deeper and you might find that you equate an empty roll with being disrespected as you need loo paper every visit and he doesn’t. Perhaps you value equity in your relationship and feel that you are carrying an uneven burden of the practical chores or emotional load - even refilling a loo roll requires remembering to do it and actually doing it, taking the old roll to the recycling bin, and possibly putting it on the shopping list and buying more.

In the past I have been a sucker for FOMO, but I’m getting better. I don't always get it right, but at least I know why things tick me off now. And I hope you are getting better at it as well.

I don’t want you to do my workshops or take up one of my courses or have me in your newborn support team simply because you feel like you’d be missing out on something cool if you didn’t do it, or because having a postpartum doula is some kind of status symbol.

I want you to work with me because you believe that you are a whole, complete, incredible person, who chooses wisely where to spend her time and money. A woman who values herself and believes she is deserving of a full experience of magical newborn motherhood without feeling exhausted and overwhelmed. A woman who recognises her strength is in connection and accepting help, and purposefully rejects the modern myths of independent, perfectly-sculpted-six-weeks-later, my-baby-slept-through-from-birth mothers. A woman who recognises that with the birth of each child she needs more assistance, not less, even though she has "done it all before".

If you want postpartum support in-person in Lake Macquarie, Newcastle, Maitland or Cessnock areas, I am here for you. If you want emotional support and remote mentoring or women’s health support wherever in the world you may be, I’m here for you. If you’re a ‘group person’ and want to join in on some mama retreats or short online courses, I’m here for you.

And if you’re expecting, hoping to be soon or have a newborn and want to dive deep with me and other couples over six weeks, join in with "Prepared, Together". The first online course starts 3rd August at the special launch price of $247 AUD.

Register here.